In the Middle - Doing Old Things New Ways, Even When It's Scary

 

New Things Are Scary - No Matter the Age

August 5, 1961

How often do you do something new? 

Like REALLY new?

In our daily routines, maybe it's not all that common. 
We have our usual routines around the house and work, our driving routes here and there. 
Really, most everything we do is structured around some level of comfortableness where
we feel at ease and relaxed.

As a Mom, I try prepare my kids when there's something new for them to experience.
It's a way to manage expectations and anxiety. 
Depending on the situation, it's also a way to minimize potential embarrassment; 
no one wants their kids to suffer humiliation if we can do something to prevent it.

Are we as quick to help parents or those we care for as they age?
Aging can impact our loved one's willingness to try new things.
Perhaps balance or mobility issues have affected their confidence.  A stroke, medication, memory issues
or any other numerous possible reasons can impact seniors' willingness to step outside of their comfort zone.

Of course this can be an entirely different scenario for caregivers who need to rein in family members who are
continuing to do things that might truly be unsafe - like driving.

We're learning some new ways as well.
A medical issue has caused my Mom to use a rollator (walker with seat).
The pandemic has kept her from church, but the need for the rollator
has been a stumbling block as well.
Her church has numerous steps to ascend and she definitely can't use the rollator.
Is there an elevator?  Yes, shoe-horned into a church built in 1908.
Do we have any experience with this little elevator? 
No, not at all.
But we're learning about it.

My Mom is not very comfortable with this idea.
This is the same church she and my Dad were married in sixty years ago in August of this year,
where my family attended weekly mass, where baptisms were held for
me and my brothers and even one of my children, the weddings for me and my husband, 
and one of my brothers and his wife, where the funerals were held for all the Grandparents I knew and also for my Dad.

She's got history with that church.
But not with the elevator.
I'm guessing she never thought she'd need to use an elevator. 
Here we are, though.

I've broached the topic with her several times. 
With an aging population and shrinking number of parishioners, a row of pews has been
 removed to accommodate those
 who need walkers or have mobility issues, thus offering more space.  We've had an ongoing discussion whether
 or not her larger walker will fit in the wider pew since it doesn't fold up like typical one. 
I think it will, she's been skeptical. 
While I don't want to push, I do want to have her attend church again.
No, not out of Catholic guilt.
I want her to still feel part of a community.  She needs to see familiar faces, have the luxury of
 doing something again that was so routine for years and years.

Her medical condition isn't going away. 
Therefore there's not some future point where she won't be hampered by the rollator/walker. 
 It's a necessary component for her to be engaged in any activities, whether it be attending church,
going to a doctor appointment or grocery store.

That means we get to learn something new.  Luckily, a family friend took the time to show us the basics of how it works. 
My Mom is still adjusting to the idea and I know it might take a while before she's ready to accept the idea of the elevator.
I'm okay with that.  Giving her options and ways to reengage is what matters.

 * published with Mom's permission

 Judy